So it’s been a week since I updated you on my joke of a life.. I started the week with a heavy heart and even heavier eyelids due to zero sleep on Sunday night, I felt like I had been hit by a train physically and emotionally. I called in sick for work and did nothing but lay in my bed looking at the ceiling while a hundred and one things ran through my head. I didn’t eat (until dinner when I consumed a whole deep pan cheese pizza) I didn’t sleep (not even a for a minute). I did however download and watch a whole season of Dance Mom’s, probably something I shouldn’t be proud of but it happened. Tuesday was exactly the same only this time I left the house to go and run the tracks of Point Perron (a local beach/walking track) It was the best I had felt in a long time, music blasting through my earphones, the wind in my hair, nothing between my Nikes and the beach sand, it was almost as if my mind had been put on pause because for that hour and a half I didn’t think anything and the only thing I felt was serenity.
I’m not too sure when I will begin to feel better, maybe I never will. I don’t know what a full nights sleep is any more but I’m adjusting to the 2 hours I do get every night. I believe that God is above, watching all of us but sometimes I have a hard time understanding why he let’s certain things happen to us. I know that He will never put us through something we can’t handle but right now I don’t think I’m handling things very well, or at all. I’m a zombie, it doesn’t even feel like this is my body anymore, I’m on auto pilot and I don’t know when I’ll gain control again.
I really hope this is a case of ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’ and that soon he’ll realize I love him more than anyone.