7 days

So it’s been a week since I updated you on my joke of a life.. I started the week with a heavy heart and even heavier eyelids due to zero sleep on Sunday night, I felt like I had been hit by a train physically and emotionally. I called in sick for work and did nothing but lay in my bed looking at the ceiling while a hundred and one things ran through my head. I didn’t eat (until dinner when I consumed a whole deep pan cheese pizza) I didn’t sleep (not even a for a minute). I did however download and watch a whole season of Dance Mom’s, probably something I shouldn’t be proud of but it happened. Tuesday was exactly the same only this time I left the house to go and run the tracks of Point Perron (a local beach/walking track) It was the best I had felt in a long time, music blasting through my earphones, the wind in my hair, nothing between my Nikes and the beach sand, it was almost as if my mind had been put on pause because for that hour and a half I didn’t think anything and the only thing I felt was serenity.

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I’m not too sure when I will begin to feel better, maybe I never will. I don’t know what a full nights sleep is any more but I’m adjusting to the 2 hours I do get every night. I believe that God is above, watching all of us but sometimes I have a hard time understanding why he let’s certain things happen to us. I know that He will never put us through something we can’t handle but right now I don’t think I’m handling things very well, or at all. I’m a zombie, it doesn’t even feel like this is my body anymore, I’m on auto pilot and I don’t know when I’ll gain control again.

 

I really hope this is a case of ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’ and that soon he’ll realize I love him more than anyone.

 

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You and I will always be unfinished business

I’m not even sure what is going on, if this is all a nightmare or a giant slap of reality. Either way it sucks and you’ve left me, again.

It would have been six years in October, six fucking long ass years. We’ve been loving each other for so long yet at the same time killing each other with the stupid mind games and emotional abuse we both flung at each other. We were as far from normal as it gets but it was us and now we’re just You and I. The past 14 hours have been a complete blur, I haven’t slept, I’ve cried enough tears to drench my pillow and I’ve listened to Ed Sheeran’s album on repeat at least 5 times. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know how to stop all these feelings I’m feeling. I just want it all to go away, I want to bury my head in my pillows and just act like none of this has happened, but I can’t, it’s not going to stop. You’ve said enough is enough and I can hardly blame you but I’ve become so attached to you, you’re a part of me that I need to function.

 

You’re my person.

The one who I love.tumblr_mi4ab3ovsk1r48nbdo1_500

The one who calms me down.

The one who helps me see sense.

The one who makes me laugh.

The one who can break down my walls.

The one who knows when I’m upset.

The one who sees through the smile.

The one who knows me better than anyone.

The one who accepted me.

The one who snaps me back to reality.

The one who dealt with my shit.

The one who loves me even when I don’t deserve it.

 

You took who I was and loved me, even the flaws and we both know there were a lot of them but you didn’t care me. You loved me wholeheartedly and unconditionally, even the times I didn’t deserve it and let’s be honest… that was most of the time. You changed me for the better, you taught me that love is hard but in the end it’s always worth it. Never did I imagine that I could love someone as much as I love you, I never knew I could ever love someone more than I love myself but you proved my theory wrong. You gave me the greatest experience any human could ever have… to love someone and have them love you in return. I can’t even put it into words how grateful I am that I was blessed with your presence in my life and I know at times I took you and the love you had for me for granted but if there is one thing I need you to know it’s that loving you was the best decision I’ve ever made.

 

In the words of Ed Sheeran

‘just promise me you’ll always be a friend because you are the only one’

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birken whaaaat?

So it seems birkenstocks have made a come back but I am still somewhat undecided on whether or not I should blow $129.95 on a shoe I normally wouldn’t look twice at. It wasn’t until I saw six different posts featuring these sandal like shoes flash up on my instafeed that I realized that these world known shoes had made it back in to the fashion scene, some may argue that they never left and others are catching themselves asking ‘birken what?’

Then an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians aired and there they were, on Kourtney’s feet and that is when I found myself trolling online shopping sites trying to find the best price. Are they worth it? Will I wear them? Are they comfortable? Do they fit well on wide feet? What style is the right one? And the hardest question of all, black or white?

 

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I need your help fellow bloggers…. Do I commit to the ‘checkout now’ button or give this fashion craze a miss?

top knots

are definitely my favourite hair style and it’s pretty much the only thing I can ever be bothered to do with my hair.

IMG_1827I am the laziest girl!

  1. I don’t use any hair products (except dry shampoo)
  2. I usually have a dreadloch
  3. I don’t moisturize… EVER
  4. I didn’t even know what exfoliating was until a couple of months ago
  5. I shave when I need to, not when I should do
  6. I never take my make up off
  7. I brush my hair once in two days

I know its gross and I should probably work towards doing those things on a daily basis

but I simply can’t be bothered. So for now I’ll just keep chucking my hair up in a bun and

pretending I look like Holly Hagan from Geordie Shore… ultimate girl crush

My hair looks so dull in the first photo, thanks snapchat for your extremely bad quality

pana-perfect

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So today I was walking around in a health food shop and came across this bad boy.

I’ve heard of Pana Chocolate before but never have I found anywhere local that

sells it until now. Unfortunately I couldn’t find the coconut one I’ve been longing

to try so this was the next best option.. and the best it was. I love Pana Chocolate

With only 85 calories per serving (2 pieces each) 3.3 grams of sugar and only 7.1

grams of fat I can see this becoming a new cheeky snack that I wont feel bad about

eating later, WOOHOO!

 

        But at a hefty $7 each for 6 small squares is it a bit on the

pricey side just like other ‘healthy’ foods. The government tells us that we need to

eat healthier to maintain a better life yet they price all those good healthy foods at

such a ridiculous price so it’s no wonder most people choose cheap  fatty take

away food as an alternative. I see it every week in the supermarket

IMG_1805                                                                                brochures, the pages are filled with discounted groceries filled

with enough saturated fat to give an overweight person a heart

attack and more calories than the average adult daily intake yet

nothing from the ‘health food’ aisle is ever put on special… WHY!!!

Now I am by no means skinny and not nearly as healthy as I

could be but I’m slowly transitioning from a ‘I don’t care how

many calories I eat’ life to a ‘How many calories is in that?’ life.

It hasn’t been easy but I’m slowly learning healthier alternatives

to the bad foods I once scoffed down all day every day.

 

 

 

 

dry july

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Oh it hurts to write that but yes, I Morgan Bentley have signed up for ‘Dry July’ and solemnly swear that I will not drink any form of alcoholic beverage for the whole duration of July. Now anyone who knows me knows that I’m the first one to say yes to an alcoholic induced night, especially when a good cider (preferably rekorderlig) is on the menu so this is going to be a struggle to say the least. Surprisingly my last weekend of being able to drink did not end in me weeing myself or slurring my ‘I love you’s’ on to a lovers voicemail, instead I was the deso*** for my very drunk drunk friends. Pj’s were on by 9 o’clock and I was wrapped up in my doona watching ‘The Real Housewives of OC’.

It’s 3 days in to July and I’m already wondering how on Earth I’m going to make it until the first of August, ahhhh I can taste the sweet strawberry and lime cider waiting in the fridge, these next 28 days better go fast!

On a better note feel free to donate money to my Dry July fundraising account and all of your much appreciated donations will go the Cancer Foundation! http://au.dryjuly.com/profile/morgzzzzb

PLEASE AND THANK YOU

 

*** desoAussie slang for a designated driver, someone that hasn’t been drinking and usually drives everyone home.

 

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