Europe is finally calling me

That is right everyone, as of Monday last week Europe was officially booked, for me!

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A friend from work and I have been talking about it for so long and when the summer dates and prices for Europe 2015 were released we totally ‘yolo-ed’ it and went in to book. An hour and half in a travel agent, some date picking, rock paper and scissors for which airline and a $200 deposit is all it took to book a 27 day, booze filled, island hopping, backpacking, bucket list checking, life changing tour. In 301 days (June 30th 2015) I’ll be embarking Australia for the countries I have lusted over for quite some years.

We chose to go with Topdeck’s ‘ Summer Fun and Sailing’ tour.. https://www.topdeck.travel/tours/summer-fun-and-sailing

If anyone has done this or any other contiki/topdeck tour and you have any helpful hints to help make it the best it can be please feel free to let me know.. for instance, do I take a backpack or a suit case?

friends.. ha ha

Lately I’ve had a great deal of trouble trusting people, yep even my nearest and dearest. Trust is rare and in the words of Lady Gaga and Beyonce

‘trust is like a mirror.. you can fix it if it’s broke but you can still see the cracks in that mother fuckers reflection’

It was brought to my attention a week or so ago that one of my friends had told another friend a situation of mine which I’ve only shared with two people, gob smacked doesn’t even cut it, neither does disappointed.. I guess you could say I’m hurt. Because of being stabbed in the back so many times before I’ve become a very private person, I like to keep things between me, myself and I. Now I’m left questioning my my choices in who I trust and who I don’t, this also has me looking over my friendships… Why am I always the one to put in effort? I’ve noticed a few things before now but I’ve always swept it under the carpet; like why am I the only friend who ever offers to pay? I know this is stupid and it’s probably my own doing but whenever a friend of mine can’t afford something I’m the first person to help them out… no one could ever call me selfish, but no one ever offers to help me. No one ever offers to pay for my food or my festival tickets and to some extent I understand why, I work full time and they don’t but I pay rent and they don’t. I pay for my car and they don’t. I pay for all my groceries and they don’t. I pride myself on being independent and not needing help from anyone but sometimes it’d be nice for a friend to say ‘let’s go here, my shout!’

 

I’m probably sounding a little pathetic, I know. I guess I just feel like in some friendships I’m always the one putting in effort and for a piss ass 20% effort in return!

august wants

I’ve decided that from now on I’m going to post a polyvore collage of all the things I want for the month and aim to buy at least 3 of the items. I am useless when it comes to buying things I actually want and instead of saving for a week or two I just spend my cash on stupid impulse buys that I usually only use once or twice, hopefully this will help me work towards things that I really really want, within reason of course (because I really want a Hermes bag but that isn’t happening any time soon)

 

So here is my 10 ‘august wants’

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1. The Horse watch in matte black/black leather (www.thehorse.com.au, $129)

2. Karen Walker ‘The Number One’ sunglasses in ‘Crazy Tort’ (www.shopbop.com, $280.14)

3. Vans Authentic in white (www.asos.com.au, $89)

4.Clinique overnight moisturiser (http://www.cosmeticsnow.com.au, $57.95)

5. Smashbox Photo Finish Colour Correcting Primer (www.smashbox.com, $38)

6. Mac Lipstick Kelly Osborne collection in ‘Riot House’ (www.maccosmestics.com.au, $38)

7. Nars Radiant Creamy Concealer (www.asos.com.au, $41)

8. Birkenstocks Arizona (www.asos.com.au, $124)

9. Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb 100ml (austrawberrynet.com, $192)

10. Mimco Pouch in Mesh Black (www.mimco.com.au, $89)

7 days

So it’s been a week since I updated you on my joke of a life.. I started the week with a heavy heart and even heavier eyelids due to zero sleep on Sunday night, I felt like I had been hit by a train physically and emotionally. I called in sick for work and did nothing but lay in my bed looking at the ceiling while a hundred and one things ran through my head. I didn’t eat (until dinner when I consumed a whole deep pan cheese pizza) I didn’t sleep (not even a for a minute). I did however download and watch a whole season of Dance Mom’s, probably something I shouldn’t be proud of but it happened. Tuesday was exactly the same only this time I left the house to go and run the tracks of Point Perron (a local beach/walking track) It was the best I had felt in a long time, music blasting through my earphones, the wind in my hair, nothing between my Nikes and the beach sand, it was almost as if my mind had been put on pause because for that hour and a half I didn’t think anything and the only thing I felt was serenity.

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I’m not too sure when I will begin to feel better, maybe I never will. I don’t know what a full nights sleep is any more but I’m adjusting to the 2 hours I do get every night. I believe that God is above, watching all of us but sometimes I have a hard time understanding why he let’s certain things happen to us. I know that He will never put us through something we can’t handle but right now I don’t think I’m handling things very well, or at all. I’m a zombie, it doesn’t even feel like this is my body anymore, I’m on auto pilot and I don’t know when I’ll gain control again.

 

I really hope this is a case of ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’ and that soon he’ll realize I love him more than anyone.

 

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You and I will always be unfinished business

I’m not even sure what is going on, if this is all a nightmare or a giant slap of reality. Either way it sucks and you’ve left me, again.

It would have been six years in October, six fucking long ass years. We’ve been loving each other for so long yet at the same time killing each other with the stupid mind games and emotional abuse we both flung at each other. We were as far from normal as it gets but it was us and now we’re just You and I. The past 14 hours have been a complete blur, I haven’t slept, I’ve cried enough tears to drench my pillow and I’ve listened to Ed Sheeran’s album on repeat at least 5 times. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know how to stop all these feelings I’m feeling. I just want it all to go away, I want to bury my head in my pillows and just act like none of this has happened, but I can’t, it’s not going to stop. You’ve said enough is enough and I can hardly blame you but I’ve become so attached to you, you’re a part of me that I need to function.

 

You’re my person.

The one who I love.tumblr_mi4ab3ovsk1r48nbdo1_500

The one who calms me down.

The one who helps me see sense.

The one who makes me laugh.

The one who can break down my walls.

The one who knows when I’m upset.

The one who sees through the smile.

The one who knows me better than anyone.

The one who accepted me.

The one who snaps me back to reality.

The one who dealt with my shit.

The one who loves me even when I don’t deserve it.

 

You took who I was and loved me, even the flaws and we both know there were a lot of them but you didn’t care me. You loved me wholeheartedly and unconditionally, even the times I didn’t deserve it and let’s be honest… that was most of the time. You changed me for the better, you taught me that love is hard but in the end it’s always worth it. Never did I imagine that I could love someone as much as I love you, I never knew I could ever love someone more than I love myself but you proved my theory wrong. You gave me the greatest experience any human could ever have… to love someone and have them love you in return. I can’t even put it into words how grateful I am that I was blessed with your presence in my life and I know at times I took you and the love you had for me for granted but if there is one thing I need you to know it’s that loving you was the best decision I’ve ever made.

 

In the words of Ed Sheeran

‘just promise me you’ll always be a friend because you are the only one’

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birken whaaaat?

So it seems birkenstocks have made a come back but I am still somewhat undecided on whether or not I should blow $129.95 on a shoe I normally wouldn’t look twice at. It wasn’t until I saw six different posts featuring these sandal like shoes flash up on my instafeed that I realized that these world known shoes had made it back in to the fashion scene, some may argue that they never left and others are catching themselves asking ‘birken what?’

Then an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians aired and there they were, on Kourtney’s feet and that is when I found myself trolling online shopping sites trying to find the best price. Are they worth it? Will I wear them? Are they comfortable? Do they fit well on wide feet? What style is the right one? And the hardest question of all, black or white?

 

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I need your help fellow bloggers…. Do I commit to the ‘checkout now’ button or give this fashion craze a miss?

top knots

are definitely my favourite hair style and it’s pretty much the only thing I can ever be bothered to do with my hair.

IMG_1827I am the laziest girl!

  1. I don’t use any hair products (except dry shampoo)
  2. I usually have a dreadloch
  3. I don’t moisturize… EVER
  4. I didn’t even know what exfoliating was until a couple of months ago
  5. I shave when I need to, not when I should do
  6. I never take my make up off
  7. I brush my hair once in two days

I know its gross and I should probably work towards doing those things on a daily basis

but I simply can’t be bothered. So for now I’ll just keep chucking my hair up in a bun and

pretending I look like Holly Hagan from Geordie Shore… ultimate girl crush

My hair looks so dull in the first photo, thanks snapchat for your extremely bad quality