I’m not even sure what is going on, if this is all a nightmare or a giant slap of reality. Either way it sucks and you’ve left me, again.
It would have been six years in October, six fucking long ass years. We’ve been loving each other for so long yet at the same time killing each other with the stupid mind games and emotional abuse we both flung at each other. We were as far from normal as it gets but it was us and now we’re just You and I. The past 14 hours have been a complete blur, I haven’t slept, I’ve cried enough tears to drench my pillow and I’ve listened to Ed Sheeran’s album on repeat at least 5 times. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know how to stop all these feelings I’m feeling. I just want it all to go away, I want to bury my head in my pillows and just act like none of this has happened, but I can’t, it’s not going to stop. You’ve said enough is enough and I can hardly blame you but I’ve become so attached to you, you’re a part of me that I need to function.
You’re my person.
The one who I love.
The one who calms me down.
The one who helps me see sense.
The one who makes me laugh.
The one who can break down my walls.
The one who knows when I’m upset.
The one who sees through the smile.
The one who knows me better than anyone.
The one who accepted me.
The one who snaps me back to reality.
The one who dealt with my shit.
The one who loves me even when I don’t deserve it.
You took who I was and loved me, even the flaws and we both know there were a lot of them but you didn’t care me. You loved me wholeheartedly and unconditionally, even the times I didn’t deserve it and let’s be honest… that was most of the time. You changed me for the better, you taught me that love is hard but in the end it’s always worth it. Never did I imagine that I could love someone as much as I love you, I never knew I could ever love someone more than I love myself but you proved my theory wrong. You gave me the greatest experience any human could ever have… to love someone and have them love you in return. I can’t even put it into words how grateful I am that I was blessed with your presence in my life and I know at times I took you and the love you had for me for granted but if there is one thing I need you to know it’s that loving you was the best decision I’ve ever made.
In the words of Ed Sheeran
‘just promise me you’ll always be a friend because you are the only one’